I’ve been a good mom all year. I was hoping you could spread my list over several Christmases, since I had to write this with my son’s crayon, on the back of receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows if I’ll find free time in the next 18 years.
I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color except purple, I already have those) and …arms that don’t flap in the breeze, but strong enough to carry a crying toddler out of the candy aisle of the grocery store. I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my pregnancy.
On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, ‘Yes Mommy’ to boost my parental confidence. Please also include a potty-trained toddler, 2 kids that don’t fight, and 3 pairs of jeans that zip up without the help of a power tool. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting ‘Don’t eat in the living room’ and ‘Take your hands off your brother’, because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If you’re hauling big ticket items this year, I’d like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music. It would also be great to have a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs with talking animals. If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without a Styrofoam container.
Well Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney. Help yourself to the cookies on the table, but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Shared by Karen Poellnitz on our wall at:
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