POST FROM A DAD IN RESPONSE TO A POST ON FATHERS LEAVING THEIR FAMILY BECAUSE OF AUTISM.

You know I just don’t get it, how any parent could leave their child, crazy to even think of it. I work round the clock to care for my son, travel the country with him to follow his passion of being in the great outdoors. I have a daughter that went through hard depression and multiple suicide attempts, my wife has been in chronic pain management for 8 years +. I lost my job back in April and still do not have a new job locked in yet, get about 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night, been out once in the past 14 months with my wife, bills just get paid on time and not much left at all, day in day out struggles and stress, no personal life to speak of at all and yet I am happy to be where I am at….. Any father out there that is considering leaving, call me and I will give you a week of my life. Stop complaining and take care of what you helped into this world, Be a man. – Darin Frye

Letter to My Ex Husband & Father to my Children. Written by Lisa Cheney Long

Dear Ex Husband & Father to my Children,
I realize I owe you nothing but thought I’d let you know what I thought about you and all you’ve chosen for my children. You came into my life making false promises when I’m sure you knew you were a liar. You promised to protect me and our beautiful children and hurt us physically. You promised to stand by me and our children but was unfaithful to all of …us. After you and I divorced, you turned your back on my children, you walked away and threw them to the side like useless trash. Through the years alot has happened to this one parent family. So many wonderful discoveries and celebrations. I know you couldn’t careless but I do and have. My children hurt and wonder why their daddy doesn’t like or love them, they search inside themselves for these reasons; When it actually lies in you. Like a coward you hide from your responsibilities. Well I’m saying now, hide no more, because they are not your children and you gave up any right to call yourself daddy, EVER.
Lisa Cheney Long
Shared on our page at Single Mothers Who Have Children With Autism (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Mothers-who-have-Children-with-Autism/258728120832823?ref=tn_tnmn by Lisa Cheney Long

“Autism ~ Single Old Lady Style” Written by Christi Richie

One of the most difficult things I face in parenting children with special needs is being a single parent. Beyond my desire for companionship, to talk or vent with someone who can relate to the stress in my life (because it is their life too!) and for a snuggle buddy, it really comes down to the simple fact that “two are better than one”. My boys are my priority, so if I get involved it has to be with someone who loves them wholeheartedly and will share the load, to be blunt. Of course, I am such a catch that men will be knocking down my door when they find out I am available. After all, dating sites claim there are millions of men out there looking for women just like me. You know, they go for the full-figured, going-on-50 type of gal! Okay, to be more realistic, maybe they will see beyond my flaws and actually go out on a date with me… but when they meet my children, will they go running for the hills? So, I have decided to let my myriad of potential suitors know what they face upfront while also finding out what skills they have to offer. Thus, I have written the following “ad” to place on those wonderful dating websites. Do you enjoy back “massages” from little feet kicking you as you sleep? Is your hearing poor enough that constant LOUD noise doesn’t bother you? Do you savor a good debate… about everything you say? Are you fluent in whine? Have words really never hurt you? Is changing a five-year-old’s poopy diapers the highlight of your day? Can you run fast while yelling STOP at the top of your lungs? Do you know at least one form of safe physical restraint? Have you honed your advocacy skills lately? Does the thought of never facing “empty-nest syndrome” give you warm fuzzies? Are you good at installing deadbolts and window locks… repairing holes in walls? Do you enjoy having company in the bathroom? Can you sleep soundly while a child’s body is wedged underneath yours, yet also sleep lightly enough to waken at the sound of little footsteps? Are your reflexes lightning-fast enough to duck when an object is thrown at your head from close proximity? Do you concentrate well in the presence of repetitive annoying sounds? Does your personal library include books on special needs laws, advocacy, IEPs, augmented communication, sensory issues and other topics not found in the average collection? Will your shoulder and elbow joints withstand the weight of a child going suddenly limp while holding your hand? Can you remain cool during meltdowns? Are you undaunted at the prospect of losing friends who cannot tolerate your children? Do you have enough energy to be a father even though you are old enough to be a grandfather? Do you LOVE children… I mean REALLY ADORE them? If you answered yes to the last question and I haven’t scared you away, then you may be the man for us! In return, you will receive abundant joy at making a huge difference in a child’s life, delight when your children get sooooo excited just because you walked through the door, hero status, a special pass to go to the front of the line at Disneyland, a full cardio workout every day (why pay for a gym membership?), tons of little boy hugs and kisses and undying affection from yours truly…plus the BEST back massages while you sleep! So…hit me up? (Christi_Ritchie@mamaneedsadate.com)

Shared on our page at Single Mothers who have Children with Autism by Christi Richie.

A SPECIAL CHILD – Author Unknown

You weren’t like other children, …

And God was well aware,

You’d need a caring family,

With love enough to share.

And so He sent you to us,

And much to our surprise,

You haven’t been a challenge,

But a blessing in disguise.

Your winning smiles and laughter,

The pleasures you impart,

Far outweigh your special needs,

And melt the coldest heart.

We’re proud that we’ve been chosen,

To help you learn and grow,

The job that you have brought us,

Is more than you can know.

A precious gift from Heaven,

A treasure from above,

A child who’s taught us many things,

But most of all- “Real Love”

“CLOSE YOUR EYES” Written by: Nicole Russell-Jackson

Close your eyes my son, everything will be alright; …

I will hold and comfort you all through the night.

Your day was so long filled with anxiety and fear;

But I will ease your little mind by holding your near.

The world just doesn’t understand what you go through each day;

How frustrated you get with the words you can not say.

Or how change makes you upset and some sounds hurt your ears;

Or how desperately you want to connect with your peers.

All that they see is the tantrums, how you kick and you shout;

They don’t see the sparkle in your eyes when you figure things out.

But God and I know your heart my son so you can rest your weary head;

And know that I pray for you as you lay in your bed.

Close your eyes tight and remember every word that I say;

“Mommy loves you unconditionally, more and more everyday”.

You are my strength and you inspire me more than you know;

I feel so Blessed to be able to watch you learn and to grow.

So close your eyes my son, don’t you worry or weep;

Because I will always watch over you, even while you’re asleep!

Dedicated to my son : LaDaveon Quinterrius Jackson, 3 years old ASD

My Brother’s Keeper

My name is Autism.
Some call me a disorder, but I’m not a disease.
I’m more like, another person inside you. …
Don’t ask why I chose you-you don’t need to know.
In return for living here,
I’ll build you a fantasy world;
Sights and sounds of your own choosing.
I’ll give you amazing talents.
You can sketch New York City in minutes,
Remember every line from every movie you’ve ever seen,
Count and add numbers faster than anyone else.
You’ll be a genius, an artist, a savant,
While I’m living in your head.
Sometimes, I’m afraid, I’ll get in the way.
There’s only so much room in here after all.
My shadow will lurk behind your eyes
So people will never be able to understand you.
You’ll want to talk to them but can’t,
Because I’m crowding your speech.
You won’t be able to explain why the hands that draw New York City
Can’t tie your own shoelaces,
Or why you feel the need to pace back and forth.
You won’t be able to say, “I love you, mom.” Or,
“Let’s play ball, Dad!” But don’t worry,
my shadow in your eyes
Will keep you from seeing your family’s pain.
And what are people anyway?
You have your fantasy world.

13 Important Life Lessons Learnt From Caring For My ASD Child

13. ALWAYS LOOK AFTER MYSELF TOO. I have learnt to look after me as well so I have the energy and rest to be engaged and connected in my parenting. – Kate Dean

12. I AM MUCH STRONGER THAN I EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. – Julia Senatore            I am grateful for the experiences which are consistently teaching …me to be a better person and parent. – Kate Dean

11. DON’T CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK. I don’t have to be a people pleaser anymore. Its OK to be different. I have a much deeper appreciation for the little things in life,  and am grateful even more so for our blessings. – Claudia Tuckman

10. LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Dont worry about what others are thinking, enjoy the sweet times 🙂 – Jessica Amber. Appreciate little things, that others take for granted. – Karla Davila

9.NEVER COMPARE. Never compare and try to avoid those that do.- Ingar Struthers

8. NEVER TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. – Sheila Arkee

7. TO BE A STRONGER, SMARTER, FIGHTER AND ADVOCATE. Doctors at first didnt listen….by my own research, determination and advocating I found the best for my son. Following gut instinct and being consistent – Leah Cynthia

6. TOLERANCE AND LETTING GO OF JUDGEMENT FROM OTHERS. You may be judged and crticized for various reasons by strangers, friends and even family. Developing a ‘thick skin’ will prove helpful.

5. DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. When I believe I’m having a bad day, I think of my little boy and wonder what kind of day he is having and tell myself things can’t be all that bad for me to complain about. Thank you Isaiah for teaching Daddy this. Love you always. – Elpidio Loredo

4. TAKE LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND NOTHING FOR GRANTED. – Marti Elhert Things we want to learn come in baby steps. Celebrate each little step accomplished along the way. – Julia Senatore. I now take more time to notice the little things like how happy he gets when he can tell me what he wants…#Priceless 🙂 Nicole Russell-Jackson

3. DON’T JUDGE. Most people see a child having a temper tantrum and make snarky comments… As the mother of an aspie, I know better than to pass judgement. – Stacy Willett Harrington. Don’t judge because you never know what their battles are. – Mich Bell

2. BE MORE UNDERSTANDING. Sometimes you just need to ask yourself ‘what if I was in my child’s position’ to be more understanding to his/her needs and feelings. Nikki M.

1. PATIENCE. There is no such thing as too much patience when it comes to dealing with my ASD or NT child. – Keeley Muncrief.

Quotes shared on our page at: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Mothers-who-have-Children-with-Autism/258728120832823?ref=tn_tnmn

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpPdl0StUVs

Autism Night Before Christmas by Cindy Waeltermann

Twas the Night Before Christmas

And all through the house

The creatures were stirring

… Yes, even the mouse

We tried melatonin

And gave a hot bath

But the holiday jitters

They always distract

The children were finally

All nestled in bed

When nightmares of terror

Ran through my OWN head

Did I get the right gift

The right color

And style

Would there be a tantrum

Or even, maybe, a smile?

Our relatives come

But they don’t understand

The pleasure he gets

Just from flapping his hands.

“He needs discipline,” they say

“Just a well-needed smack,

You must learn to parent…”

And on goes the attack

We smile and nod

Because we know deep inside

The argument is moot

Let them all take a side

We know what it’s like

To live with the spectrum

The struggles and triumphs

Achievements, regressions…

But what they don’t know

And what they don’t see

Is the joy that we feel

Over simplicity

He said “hello”

He ate something green!

He told his first lie!

He did not cause a scene!

He peed on the potty

Who cares if he’s ten,

He stopped saying the same thing

Again and again!

Others don’t realize

Just how we can cope

How we bravely hang on

At the end of our rope

But what they don’t see

Is the joy we can’t hide

When our children with autism

Make the tiniest stride

We may look at others

Without the problems we face

With jealousy, hatred

Or even distaste,

But what they don’t know

Nor sometimes do we

Is that children with autism

Bring simplicity.

We don’t get excited

Over expensive things

We jump for joy

With the progress work brings

Children with autism

Try hard every day

That they make us proud

More than words can say.

They work even harder

Than you or I

To achieve something small

To reach a star in the sky

So to those who don’t get it

Or can’t get a clue

Take a walk in my shoes

And I’ll assure you

That even 10 minutes

Into the walk

You’ll look at me

With respect, even shock.

You will realize

What it is I go through

And the next time you judge

I can assure you

That you won’t say a thing

You’ll be quiet and learn,

Like the years that I did

When the tables were turned.

 

Dear Santa,…

Dear Santa,
I’ve been a good mom all year. I was hoping you could spread my list over several Christmases, since I had to write this with my son’s crayon, on the back of receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows if I’ll find free time in the next 18 years.
I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color except purple, I already have those) and …arms that don’t flap in the breeze, but strong enough to carry a crying toddler out of the candy aisle of the grocery store. I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my pregnancy.
On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, ‘Yes Mommy’ to boost my parental confidence. Please also include a potty-trained toddler, 2 kids that don’t fight, and 3 pairs of jeans that zip up without the help of a power tool. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting ‘Don’t eat in the living room’ and ‘Take your hands off your brother’, because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If you’re hauling big ticket items this year, I’d like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music. It would also be great to have a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs with talking animals. If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without a Styrofoam container.
Well Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney. Help yourself to the cookies on the table, but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always
Mom
Shared by Karen Poellnitz on our wall at:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Mothers-who-have-Children-with-Autism/258728120832823